Another day has passed and still no word about my mom's house, which..so far...is a good thing. A few months ago, I had some faith. It seemed like things would pop up that would help us get through. As my grandma always said, "The Lord will provide". Now, I feel worn down and more negative than positive. I fight it. Believe me, I do. Depression runs in my family so I know that's part of the problem, but I also know that anyone who has been through what we've been through the past several months could feel like I do. BUT. Even in saying that, I know that we have been blessed and haven't been through what others have this past year. Doesn't make it any easier, just makes me count my blessings a bit more.
I was thinking the other day, someone might read this who isn't a Disney fan like we are and cuss me for being upset about not being able to plan a trip right now. I can understand that if you aren't the dreamers we are...if you have never really been to the "World" and done it up the right way...if you think that Disney is too far from your own reality. BUT. Disney World is our escape. It is, for us, EXACTLY what Walt intended it to be. A family oasis away from the "bad stuff". When we drive onto Disney property, with its purple road signs and 2-3 lane highways(its HUGE, folks), we have left this planet and entered another dimension. The stress is gone. The magic awaits. We feel it not only bone deep, but soul deep. You can laugh at that if you want to. Go ahead. You'll be one less person I have to worry about when making dining reservations. One less person to stand behind in queue for Expedition Everest, and one less person grabbing a fast pass for Toy Story Mania. If you read this as a Disney fan, then you understand EXACTLY what I'm saying.
Disney is our place to go to escape the reality in this world that isn't always good. Its a place where our family bonds and my kids actually LEARN. They learn how things work. They learn about good customer service. They learn about science, history, the ocean, the land, other cultures, and about bonding as a planet. I miss that place dearly right now, and tears well up as I write this. Because, as much as we NEED to get out of here, we can't. Right now there will be no escape. Reality will continue to bombard us until God sees fit that we've had enough. I KNOW that one day we'll be on the other side. I have that much faith. But when? It really needs to be soon. Please.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
It's been a week since my last post. I really thought that I was going to be better at this. Oh well. I ended up missing work last Monday and was up all night with my daughter. I went thru three nights of almost NO sleep. I think I'm still catching up. She's better now, but still not 100%. I still get scared. Especially with the projections from our lovely gov't for the return of that lovely Swine Flu. I will deal with it as it comes, and with God's help we'll get thru.
I can't believe that summer has basically come and gone. I mean, its still officially summer, but we're in what I like to call "seasonal purgatory". It really isn't summer, it doesn't FEEL like summer nor does it act like summer. I can feel jacket time getting closer with every hour, and I'm too lazy to worry about watering my flowers. If I were not so stressed I'd bring out pumpkins and all my fall decorations. Its my favorite season to decorate for, usually, but I'm just a bit melancholy(had to add some drama there) to do it. See, for me, the air SMELLS of Disney vacation planning. This time of year I'm usually so deep into the planning part of our annual October vacation that nothing bothers me. Disney World is just around the corner. All is well. Not so at the moment. We still haven't heard anything about the appraisal on my mom's house. I am about to turn myself wrong side out. I just SO want the sale to go thru. We NEED it to go thru.
In case it doesn't I try to appease myself by telling me that we'll just give up this house(we're so close to having to move out now, its ridiculous) and move into my mom's....and besides, EVENTUALLY we'll BE LIVING in Florida...so what does it matter?? Well, alot actually. I truly am about to lose it all. Grab a straight jacket folks, cause I may need it.
Time to count my blessings...my kids. I have "home". I will always have someplace to rest my head, unlike others who have no one and are forced to find shelter in a cardboard box. So far, my health, but all in all , I'm not too sure about that. I have a job. It ain't much but it brings in SOMETHING. We don't starve. No one is going to let us starve. We will soon be on our way back up. We WILL get there. We struggle, we take two steps forward and 4 steps back, but soon that will turn. It has to. We have each other. My oldest daughter has a wonderful new boyfriend who is the bomb. She is happy. Happier than I've ever really seen her. So, that makes my heart smile. I am blessed. Thank you, God.
I can't believe that summer has basically come and gone. I mean, its still officially summer, but we're in what I like to call "seasonal purgatory". It really isn't summer, it doesn't FEEL like summer nor does it act like summer. I can feel jacket time getting closer with every hour, and I'm too lazy to worry about watering my flowers. If I were not so stressed I'd bring out pumpkins and all my fall decorations. Its my favorite season to decorate for, usually, but I'm just a bit melancholy(had to add some drama there) to do it. See, for me, the air SMELLS of Disney vacation planning. This time of year I'm usually so deep into the planning part of our annual October vacation that nothing bothers me. Disney World is just around the corner. All is well. Not so at the moment. We still haven't heard anything about the appraisal on my mom's house. I am about to turn myself wrong side out. I just SO want the sale to go thru. We NEED it to go thru.
In case it doesn't I try to appease myself by telling me that we'll just give up this house(we're so close to having to move out now, its ridiculous) and move into my mom's....and besides, EVENTUALLY we'll BE LIVING in Florida...so what does it matter?? Well, alot actually. I truly am about to lose it all. Grab a straight jacket folks, cause I may need it.
Time to count my blessings...my kids. I have "home". I will always have someplace to rest my head, unlike others who have no one and are forced to find shelter in a cardboard box. So far, my health, but all in all , I'm not too sure about that. I have a job. It ain't much but it brings in SOMETHING. We don't starve. No one is going to let us starve. We will soon be on our way back up. We WILL get there. We struggle, we take two steps forward and 4 steps back, but soon that will turn. It has to. We have each other. My oldest daughter has a wonderful new boyfriend who is the bomb. She is happy. Happier than I've ever really seen her. So, that makes my heart smile. I am blessed. Thank you, God.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
What a day...
I haven't relaxed all weekend. Yesterday we were getting ready for my daughter's boyfriend to come here for the first time, besides dealing with my 6 yo's cough. It got worse as the night progressed and neither her nor I got much sleep last night. We ended up going to the ER a little bit ago and it looks as though her asthma is worse than we thought it was. She got 3 breathing treatments and a prescription for a steroid. I've been stressed all day, sleepless all day, and I'm still hanging on to my knot. I still worry that she will rebound, but we are keeping an eye on her. The doctor thinks she'll be fine. I'm a mommy and i worry incessantly.
As usual, its a Sunday and I am ticky about going to work tomorrow. I hate my job. The stress in the office is ridiculous. The atmosphere is negative. It drives me insane. The doctor I work for has no children, so I don't really think she gets the whole "family" concept. I need to get out of there before I spontaneously combust. Just one more layer of stress to add to the cake of life. Ugh.
As usual, its a Sunday and I am ticky about going to work tomorrow. I hate my job. The stress in the office is ridiculous. The atmosphere is negative. It drives me insane. The doctor I work for has no children, so I don't really think she gets the whole "family" concept. I need to get out of there before I spontaneously combust. Just one more layer of stress to add to the cake of life. Ugh.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Redoing......
This blog. I have already made two attempts at writing a blog and I haven't been happy with either of them. I really liked the title of this one, so I deleted my other posts and am starting over. I love to read blogs. I lurk on many every day, when time allows, while my brain keeps nudging me to start one myself. I'm not really sure what the theme here is, other than what's described in the title, but at any rate this one will be filled with the good, the bad and the ugly. I think I'm doing this for me. I need some release from the stresses that have overtaken my life. I'm worn out. I've tied my knot. I'm hanging on. As Walt(Disney, of course) says(only maybe in a different context),we must keep moving forward.
As a bit of an introduction, let me tell you a bit about me(as if a million people will be reading this...as if one will. :) ). I am a Disney-obsessed mom of three. I am in the middle of a stressful point in my life and I want to write about it. Just for Pete's sake. Whoever that is. I am also a goofy girl with a sense of humor that seems to stick around no matter what life brings me. I don't mean for it to, but it rears its silly head even in the worst of times. Even when I'm screaming and throwing things because life sucks at that very second. Don't tell me YOU haven't done that. Oh well. My life doesn't really suck, and I'm extremely grateful for all that I have. I thank God every night for what I've been blessed with. As far as the bad stuff...let me lay it on the table. My mom passed away last year from a sudden heart attack. Part of me has been lost ever since. My dad isn't around and I feel like an orphan at 43. We are in the middle of a foreclosure process that we aren't sure can be reversed. We can barely pay the bills...to be honest..we can barely keep the lights on. My kids are getting free lunches and textbook assistance this year for the first time ever. Fall is closing in fast and I'm not sure how I can buy them warm clothes. The good things...my kids are healthy. My husband hasn't lost HIS car yet. My mom's house was on the market and we may have a buyer. That would help us incredibly with our finances. Her house was paid off and I was her only child, so once the estate is paid off and we get some things caught up, we will have a bit of a cushion. My husband is building his own financial services business. The company we work through is a wonderful company with amazingly wonderful, positive people who started out just like us. Average. Everyday. Struggling. Tired of living INSIDE the box and ready to step out. I love this company, but it takes a while to build a business through them, as it does anywhere. SO. We're a BIT strapped. I work, but it doesn't help lots...just keeps us out of serious trouble. My husband has been trying to find a job until business picks up, but its a bit tough around here(He took a buyout from a big 3 automaker early last year and there's nothing left of that money, though it was a great decision)). Life has its ups and downs and we're in a "down" right now. At some point we'll be on the upswing. Its how life works. I do my best with my faith. I was raised to have lots of it. Sometimes though, life can wear you down. No matter how optimistic you are. No matter how positive you think. After months of no change, I'm worn out. My job is getting the best of me. My personal life is getting the best of me. I'm tired, but I'll get there. To the good stuff.
Now. Let me explain this Disney thing. Most of my family is obsessed, including my husband. We love Walt Disney World, want to visit Disneyland, and will eventually live in Florida. We used to visit WDW 2-3 times a year, but not sure when we'll get to visit again. It may sound ridiculous to some, but its almost devastating to us. Disney property is where the real world drops off. Its where the magic begins. It what we know. Its who we are. We have other interests and dreams and will someday visit other parts of the world...but Walt Disney World is our "home". We love the music, we love and respect what Walt was about. We are like Walt. We aren't just dreamers, we are doers. So follow me as I write about the miscellaneous happenings of a family who will not only chase their dreams, but catch them.
As a bit of an introduction, let me tell you a bit about me(as if a million people will be reading this...as if one will. :) ). I am a Disney-obsessed mom of three. I am in the middle of a stressful point in my life and I want to write about it. Just for Pete's sake. Whoever that is. I am also a goofy girl with a sense of humor that seems to stick around no matter what life brings me. I don't mean for it to, but it rears its silly head even in the worst of times. Even when I'm screaming and throwing things because life sucks at that very second. Don't tell me YOU haven't done that. Oh well. My life doesn't really suck, and I'm extremely grateful for all that I have. I thank God every night for what I've been blessed with. As far as the bad stuff...let me lay it on the table. My mom passed away last year from a sudden heart attack. Part of me has been lost ever since. My dad isn't around and I feel like an orphan at 43. We are in the middle of a foreclosure process that we aren't sure can be reversed. We can barely pay the bills...to be honest..we can barely keep the lights on. My kids are getting free lunches and textbook assistance this year for the first time ever. Fall is closing in fast and I'm not sure how I can buy them warm clothes. The good things...my kids are healthy. My husband hasn't lost HIS car yet. My mom's house was on the market and we may have a buyer. That would help us incredibly with our finances. Her house was paid off and I was her only child, so once the estate is paid off and we get some things caught up, we will have a bit of a cushion. My husband is building his own financial services business. The company we work through is a wonderful company with amazingly wonderful, positive people who started out just like us. Average. Everyday. Struggling. Tired of living INSIDE the box and ready to step out. I love this company, but it takes a while to build a business through them, as it does anywhere. SO. We're a BIT strapped. I work, but it doesn't help lots...just keeps us out of serious trouble. My husband has been trying to find a job until business picks up, but its a bit tough around here(He took a buyout from a big 3 automaker early last year and there's nothing left of that money, though it was a great decision)). Life has its ups and downs and we're in a "down" right now. At some point we'll be on the upswing. Its how life works. I do my best with my faith. I was raised to have lots of it. Sometimes though, life can wear you down. No matter how optimistic you are. No matter how positive you think. After months of no change, I'm worn out. My job is getting the best of me. My personal life is getting the best of me. I'm tired, but I'll get there. To the good stuff.
Now. Let me explain this Disney thing. Most of my family is obsessed, including my husband. We love Walt Disney World, want to visit Disneyland, and will eventually live in Florida. We used to visit WDW 2-3 times a year, but not sure when we'll get to visit again. It may sound ridiculous to some, but its almost devastating to us. Disney property is where the real world drops off. Its where the magic begins. It what we know. Its who we are. We have other interests and dreams and will someday visit other parts of the world...but Walt Disney World is our "home". We love the music, we love and respect what Walt was about. We are like Walt. We aren't just dreamers, we are doers. So follow me as I write about the miscellaneous happenings of a family who will not only chase their dreams, but catch them.
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